Here is a video on why the Japanese in Okinawa have longevity -
Thanks to Home Care Assistance and Balanced Care Method for the link
When he turned 70, Chuck Roppel decided to pull together all the threads of his life by staging a one-man show. “Love, Dance, Sing and Wear a Dress,” presented at the Magic Theatre, was a one-time-only event to which all 300 invitees were required to wear a dress.
Roppel, 72, grew up in Kentucky, became a Catholic priest and left the priesthood at 31. He moved to San Francisco in 1974 and was director of the San Francisco Mental Health Association and the state Department of Mental Health’s Office of Prevention and Mental Health Promotion.
I have no regrets about going through the priesthood. It was a great place to be formed. I learned things in those five years I never could have learned any other way. People tell you things and you see the commonality of humanity.
I left because of the church policies that hold people down rather than open them up: the way the church deals with sexuality, the way it deals with women. It was feeling really oppressive and restrictive. I had to go someplace that was inspiring. Through coaching, I’m really doing now what I wanted to do as a priest but couldn’t have articulated at the time. It’s about creating intimacy with people, going on the journey with them through their life and supporting them in the process.
It’s very proactive. We start from the present: “Where do you want to be six months from now? A year from now?” We set a goal, decide how we’re going to achieve that together. It’s about seeing the best in that person that’s trying to be expressed.
There’s homework in between sessions: If a client says they want to learn to meditate, for example, homework might be studying for three hours about the different forms of meditation, then reporting back on what seemed to resonate.
People come to me for a variety of reasons: changing careers, developing a spiritual practice, developing behavior strategies for staying positive, creating new relationships or making a major lifestyle change like leaving a relationship.
I meet with most clients twice a month. Probably a third of them live in the Bay Area. I see them here in my living room. For the others, I use the phone or Skype. I have clients in Israel and London and Spain.
I have a great life. I’m on the faculty at the Coaches Training Institute, and I go around the world teaching people how to be coaches. I’m on the advisory committee for the Grants for the Arts program for the city, and I’m chairman of the board of A Network for Grateful Living.
When I did the one-man show, I wanted to tell the story of my life. People knew pieces of it, but I had never really put the whole story together. I wanted to talk about what it was like being gay in the ’50s and ’60s, and how there were no signs of any positivity during those years, and then talk moving out of the priesthood.
I’d always wanted to be a dancer and a singer, so I took each decade of my life, did an audiovisual of what happened in that time and did song-and-dance routines throughout the whole thing. I took up tap dancing. Doing the show changed my life. It brought my whole family together – 15 nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters from Kentucky.
There was a piece in the Economist in December 2010 about life fulfillment from an age perspective. They quoted a study of 72 countries and the surprising finding was that, almost without exception, the most fulfilled and satisfied people on the planet are in their 70s.
Nobody talks about that! Getting older from my perspective is one of the most thrilling things I’ve ever done. Because the lens gets wider. You see more. You can’t do as much from a physical perspective, but that’s good because you have to slow down and notice where you are.
Link to article on Health Care Advocates working with Jewish Family Children Services
This workshop asked participants to consider their intention engaging in intimate relationships. Therapists Lou Dangles and Christine Armstrong, husband and wife team, offered three archetypal stages, based on the work of James Hillman, to deepen trust: Trust-Betrayal-Forgiveness.
Intimate relationships include disappointment and hurt – all the time. Trust requires opening yourself to betrayal which introduces the problem and possibility of Forgiveness – will you choose to open your heart to healing and a deeper trust?
They presented the metaphor of a sword as a productive way to respond to a “rupture in trust.” The sword that is untempered is brittle, will break and as such – useless. Repeated heating, pounding and then cooling results in tempering. The process allows the steel to flex as well as hold an edge to cut.
We all enter into relationships with expectations and the honeymoon ends when expectations are not met or we are betrayed. This betrayal, or friction, or conflict provides the heat to temper the sword. Then, the hammering is working it out and the cooling Forgiveness.
The archetypal pattern offers an opportunity to transition through the cycle – and as a result, deepen trust. The therapists encourage the betrayed to express the pain he or she feels to the betrayer, suffer the feelings of the wound again, even though it may be scary, so the person causing the hurt understands why their partner feels betrayed. This creates a dilemma: will you choose to become vulnerable to the one who has hurt you, when you remain enraged, holding the position of righteous victim?
Similarly, the betrayer must risk becoming vulnerable by opening themselves to the pain they have caused the other and fully recognize the significance of the wound. To say “I’m sorry, offer explanations or rationalizations just to move on isn’t productive. It is essential for the betrayer to offer an informed apology with insight into his own woundedness and recognize where the wounding behavior comes from. Finally, the betrayed must accept the apology, let go of defense – an act of generosity and faith – which risks further hurt.
True healing comes from seeing beyond victim-victimizer, enlarging the context and recognizing the betrayal is a symptom of other factors.
One attendee asked is there a difference between working with couples married a long time vs younger marrieds? The therapists stated older couples need to recognize patterns of resentment as well as address regret for lost expectations.
Hillman, James 91975). Loose Ends: Betrayal. Spring Publications, Dallas, Texas.